824J? 824J for info?

The words slammed through my head as the voice, my voice, continued to search for 824J. No, I couldn't think of him as only a call sign. He was my friend Mike. A pleasant man who's soft-spoken voice had filled my headset for years. He had requested tows, warrant information and back-ups. That was all in the past now. All that is left of my friend, my co-worker Mike is the hushed voices talking about his suicide and the memories made haunting by silence.

Whenever an officer dies, despair washes over the entire law enforcement family, including those in the emergency communications center. If the death occurs in the line of duty, the loss is accompanied by a sense of valor. What about when the death is a suicide? "If an officer is killed in the line of duty, there is a drop in morale, but because of the funeral and the way we honor that officer, people heal," says Dr. Thomas Gillan, Director of the Central Florida Police Stress Unit. "In suicide, a lot of times other officers think that officer was weak, but deep down they miss their friend and co-worker."

According to the National P.O.L.I.C.E. Suicide Foundation, an officer kills him or herself every 17 hours. The number could actually be higher, but often the death is labeled accidental due to stigma, liability and survivor benefits. Regardless of the actual number, one is too many. Every suicide affects those left behind. "There is an incredible amount of grief that breaks down into segments," states Renee Meador, a retired Virginia officer and law enforcement In-service training supervisor at the Central Shenandoah Criminal Justice Academy. "It's a loss to the agency, the community, and the family. There is a sense of anger which is multi-pronged. Anger at the officer. How could you do this to us? Anger at the agency. Why didn't you see this coming? Anger at yourself. Why didn't I see it?" For dispatchers, this last question hits closest to home.

Dispatchers have a "mother hen" reputation. We tell officers what to do. We watch out for them. We make sure their status is correct. Officers recognize this nurturing relationship. Due to this, dispatchers are often the first ones an officer contemplating suicide might seek out. "A dispatcher somewhere saw the red flag," Meador says. "Officers go there to test the waters. They are looking to see if someone cares. We need to be training our dispatchers, as well as officers, what the red flags are."